Orlando Bloom's stalkers finally catch up with him.

The first sequel to the surprisingly fun Pirates of the Caribbean is still fun, but surprisingly interminable. Gee, guys, save something for the sequel! No, I mean the other sequel.

The setup: As the movie opens, young lovers Elizabeth and Will (Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom) are separated on what was to be their wedding day when they’re arrested for aiding the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, as if you didn’t know). Will cuts a deal with the new law in town: if he acquires a certain magical doo-dad from Jack, he and Lizzie can go free. Meanwhile, Jack is commanding the Black Pearl and has a debt coming due to Davy Jones, a demon of the briny deep whose face closely resembles the ass-end of a squid. Davy did a favor for Jack way back when, and now the Captain owes him a hundred years of service on his supernatural pirate ship, the Flying Dutchman.

Most of the major players from the first movie are back, with quite a few more thrown in for good measure. And that is indicative of the movie’s problem: it’s always concentrating on the “more,” not so much on the “better.” It spits out one action scene after another, many of them highly complicated and special effects-heavy, but none of them top the simple Jack/Will swordfight or chilling pirate onslaught of the original in terms of fun or excitement. Even the scenes I liked usually went on too long, and there was at least one lengthy sequence – in which our heroes are captured by and escape from a tribe of cannibals – that could have been cut in its entirety.

Sure, the tentacles look handy. But he doesn't dare go into a Greek restaurant.

Depp is still fun to watch as Captain Jack, though with a troubled and troubling edge to him this time around. Knightley and Bloom still suffer in comparison; their characters are too colorless to stand up to their more flamboyant cast mates.     Davy Jones and his crew – a gruesome collection of ill-fated souls, each resembling a different fearsome sea-creature – are imaginative creations, but without the soul or menace of Barbossa and his crew from the first movie.

And that may be the biggest problem of all with Dead Man’s Chest. The first Pirates managed to combine humor, action and some genuine chills. This film delivers the first two, but never supplies any tension or scary moments, and without those I found myself checking my watch far more often than I should have been. I hope the third movie delivers a big payoff, because for now some of the wind has gone out of the Pirate’s sails.

Gorilla Pants rating: 2 out of 4 bananas