"I know you didn't just offer me a #*!@-ing Merlot!"

Any good magician will tell you that magic is about misdirection. I gesture dramatically with my left hand and you don’t notice me slipping a card out of my pocket with my right, that sort of thing. Movies can do the same thing. Dazzle the audience with gorgeous art direction and rich, sepia-toned cinematography and maybe they won’t notice that your story is, well, kinda tired.

Maybe.

The Illusionist stars Edward Norton as Eisenheim, whose stage illusions take late-19th-century Vienna by storm. Even the Crown Prince Leopold (Rufus Sewell) attends, along with his betrothed, Sophie von Teschen (Jessica Biel). When Sophie comes onstage to assist Eisenheim in his act, he realizes that she’s the same girl he fell in love with as a teenager. Their innocent, heartfelt romance was cut short because his working-class roots made him unsuitable for the young duchess, and he left town to find fame and fortune. The adult pair secretly rekindles their romance and scheme to get Sophie out of her engagement. Then tragedy strikes, Eisenheim turns from illusionist to medium and Leopold charges his favorite police inspector (Paul Giamatti) with finding a reason to arrest him.

The Illusionist is a hard movie to dislike, but an equally difficult one to fully embrace. As implied above, it’s a lush, beautiful film, and for me that’s a pretty big plus. The richly detailed, romantically shot settings -- cobblestones and castles and gas lit theaters – amp up the romance and intrigue and completely drew me in. A surprisingly non-irritating Philip Glass score that wouldn’t have been out of place in a 1930s melodrama helps the mood.

You'd think the star would have a better trailer.

Giamatti is excellent as Chief Inspector Uhl, whose ambition is often at odds with his principles. Sewell sinks his teeth into the juicy role of Leopold, his icy ruthlessness giving way to a vaguely Hitler-esque madness. Biel, who’s primarily known as an action babe, is unexpectedly good as the luminous Sophie. Norton is drawing some fairly poor reviews for his low-key Eisenheim. I thought he was appropriately inscrutable for a character who deliberately cultivates an air of mystery, though I never felt any real passion in his love for Sophie.

The real problem with The Illusionist is that the story is listless and predictable. There are some vague, political undertones that do little besides clutter up the narrative. The plotting in the second half leads up to a twist ending that will surprise only those who forgot that the movie is called The Illusionist. It’s a shame that, for all its flourish, the movie really does have nothing up its sleeve.

Gorilla Pants rating: 2.5 out of 4 bananas