There's See No Slurpee and Hear No Slurpee. Where's Speak No Slurpee?

When Moviefone assigned Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd as my movie for the weekend, I knew I'd need a strategy. Not only had none of its previews struck me as even slightly funny, but I'd dozed off during Dumb and Dumber, its presumably funnier predecessor, so I didn't have high hopes for this prequel.  

I considered pretending I thought the assignment was actually Hollywood Homicide, but that would be unprofessional. Then I thought about bringing a book and a flashlight, but decided it would be too irritating to others in the audience. (Not that there turned out to be that many others in the audience.) Finally I settled on a plan that involved lowering my expectations as far as they would go and preparing myself to laugh at anything that moved.

It didn't work. Expectations don't go low enough to make this movie funny.

DP Tony Richmond and Director Troy Miller, each realizing their parents were right: they should have gone to medical school.

Dumb and Dumberer is about how Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas met and became friends. (Because I'm sure we were all wondering.) The year is 1986. The place is high school. The story is . . . practically nonexistent, and completely not the point of the movie, so I'm not going to bother talking about it.

The point of the movie, as far as I can tell, is to provide a series of ridiculous situations in which Harry and Lloyd can react in a manner that is either dumb or dumberer, thus amusing the audience. Which would be great if anyone were actually amused, but judging by the sound of crickets chirping from the seats around me I wasn't the only one who thought they missed the mark. I like good silly fun as much as the next person, but this movie just didn't have any. Honestly, I think I got more laughs out of The Godfather.

Mimi Rogers and Luis Guzman, fondly remembering their once promising careers.

Director Troy Miller and screenwriter Robert Brenner just don't seem to have tried very hard. Brenner sets up the stale, uninspired, obvious jokes, Miller lethargically stages them then beats them into the ground, and the result is really kind of sad. As for the actors, Eric Christian Olsen does a creditable Jim Carrey impression, though his performance is never more than that. Derek Richardson, in the Jeff Daniels role, is instantly forgettable. The supporting cast includes Eugene Levy, who really should have known better.

Gorilla Pants rating: 0 out of 4 bananas
(Yes, I gave it a zero. And I'd do it again.)