"No, I don't want to do Face/Off 2. That's why I had myself cloned. Now learn your lines, you have an early call tomorrow."

All hail the writer!

Adaptation is a celebration of the agony and ecstasy of writing. It's also a new film by Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman, the director and writer behind Being John Malkovich. It stars Nicolas Cage as, well, Charlie Kaufman, the writer behind Being John Malkovich.

The back story behind the film is pretty much told in the film: Charlie was hired to adapt Susan Orlean's bestselling book The Orchid Thief into a screenplay. The Orchid Thief tells the true story of John Laroche, a man so obsessed with orchids that he poaches them from the Everglades. He is, as the movie industry people keep saying, "a fun character," by which they mean quirky and easily mocked. Charlie really wants to tell this story and to make a movie "about flowers" — and you should see the look on his producer's face when he tells her that.

It's a daunting task, and Charlie fails at it. Kind of. The only way the fictional Charlie can find to tell the story is to tell the story of him trying to tell the story, which must be exactly what happened in real life, because, look, here it is. What follows is a dizzying blend of fact and fiction, with actors playing real people who are obviously pretty good sports because in the movie they do some shocking things that I really hope didn't happen in real life.

Meryl Streep takes off her shoes to count her Oscar nominations.

And what about that writer's block? Kaufman's depiction of this is instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever experienced it. The promise that "When I’ve written a page, I'll reward myself with a cup of coffee. And a muffin. Maybe banana nut." The idea that seems brilliant for five minutes before you realize it's utter bullshit. The abject gratitude and relief you feel when some writing guru tells you that by following a few simple steps you'll be able to write a tightly-structured, thematically cohesive and — most importantly — marketable screenplay.

Gee, am I over-identifying much?

Personally, I'm thrilled that Charlie Kaufman had writer's block. I'm not sure how interested I would have been in a film about orchids, but if he'd been able to write that script we wouldn't have gotten this fascinating, hilarious, head-scratcher of a movie. It's a brilliant riff on writing and Hollywood, skewering all the conventions of screenwriting before taking us on a loopy ride that makes pit stops at all of them.

The world's most un-ergonomic work station.

So you get that I loved the script, right? But credit should also go to Spike Jonze, whose sure-footed direction continually surprises and delights. No matter how much the plot shifts, how many bizarre turns it takes, Jonze finds just the right tone to match its audacious spirit.

The film is filled with exceptional performances, even in the smaller roles, but I'll focus on the three leads. Chris Cooper's John Laroche is a lunatic savant, a man with brightly burning passions and depths that aren't readily apparent. Meryl Streep gives us several incarnations of Susan Orlean, starting with the New York sophisticate who's beginning to realize that her life is emptier than she'd imagined. Her work here is subtle and surprising and a pleasure to watch. Then there's Nicolas Cage, who does brilliant double duty as Charlie and Donald. Each character is a fully realized individual; if you were watching the movie without sound you'd be able to tell them apart just by watching Cage's body language.

Charlie Kaufman may not have been able to write a movie about flowers, but he wrote a great one about passion and fear and the creative process. Adaptation pulls off an amazing trick, turning failure into triumph. It may not be playing at your local multiplex, but like the White Ghost Orchid, it's worth seeking out.

Gorilla Pants rating: 4 out of 4 bananas